Here at the University of Arizona, Greek Life is kind of a big deal. The dopest parties, the biggest houses, and the most relevant people are all consumed by our 30+ Panhellenic organizations that regularly receive national attention for being the tits. But just recognizing Greek Life as one mass is simply not enough. That’s why we felt the strong obligation to make this list. We asked girls and guys, from GDI losers, to Fratstar douches what they thought of all of the Greek Chapters at UofA.
What we came up with was this: The Fall 2014 Fraternity Rankings.
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1. SAE- Being a douche is irrelevant when you regularly host as many smoke shows as SAE does. They’re on top of the game right now, but a shaky relationship with the school poses a big question mark for the future. Still they hosted Johnny Knoxville last year and let’s not forget the Gatsby party. Still #1 for now. PS: Do us all a favor and clean your fucking sewer.
2. Sigma Chi- Sigma Chi is made up of a bunch of chill bros who couldn’t handle pledging SAE. Fluke year for them as they try to reconcile with being moved out of their palace for the Kappa Sig rookies. Regardless, this fall they are in their new mansion on Greek Row, which will surely put them right behind SAE.
3. Phi Gamma Delta (FIJI)- Despite losing their house and recognition on campus this year, these wealthy Scottsdale kids will still be big hitters on campus this fall. With several prominent satellite houses and their sorority relations, they will still be a more attractive option than the latter houses.
4. Pi Kapp- The school and their nationals don’t recognize them, but sorority girls do! Everyone knows the teener is an absolute rage and a half. These guys have more satellite houses than any other chapter and the guys are chill.
5. Delta Chi- Their reputation tends to scare away some girls, but it does just as well to attract one of the most religious groupie followings of any fraternity. Not a recognized frat, but they own the house so who fuckin cares. PS: Get ready for Del Tiki.. ‘I’m Shmacked’ and “Blacked Out Media” make frequent appearances here ladies.
6. PIKE- Pike has a lot of faces. Yeah there’s some losers who study too much and some who probably main-line creatine, but there’s also a bunch of normal dudes who love to rage. Seems like the boners who brought back the chapter are fading out or already gone. With this, Pike is beginning to establish themselves as a top fraternity with some solid pledge classes. Oh yeah, and their Volcano Party’s filthy.
7. AEPi- Best Jewfrat you’ll find in this fuckin’ desert. AEPi has a good amount of cool kids who love to party. Yeah there might be one too many DJs but whatever, keep acting like you enjoy DubStep and they’ll probably show you the Ciroc. That’s the other thing. The stereotypes stick. Expensive booze and good grades, these kids are gonna be successful one day. Beware of Vitale in a Grey Goose bottle. It’s the ultimate J move. Oh and did I mention they have an in with the basketball team.
8. Kappa Sig- Top 3 house on campus. Not a top 3 roster though. Any time you have a new chapter founded on campus, you end up with the rejects of last years rush class. However, Kappa Sig’s future looks bright and it seems like they picked up 2 solid pledge classes this year to compensate for the founders. Should be fine in the long run if they can start to pull it together and figure out how to run a fraternity.
9. Delta Tau Delta- DTD is the definition of mediocre. Ever since they cleaned the house out for hazing 4 years ago they’ve been on the decline and have retained the title of worst fraternity on Greek Row.) DTD is ultimately a giant melting pot of mainly Midwest kids who didn’t get a bid from their first few choices but still wanted to feel relevant on Greek Row. Their parties are regularly overflowing with ratchets, but at least these kids embrace it.
10. Theta Chi- I honestly thought I would be ranking these guys like #5 this year. However, in typical Theta Chi fashion they’ve done pretty much everything they could to land here again. Same apartment complex, and no other properties. The few fratstars they had seemed to have gone MIA, would you imagine that? Sloppiness of the members, and low quality females are always accepted here. On the bright side you got rid of the Segway faggot!
The rest of the letter hanging houses have been omitted due to irrelevancy.
