Textbook example of #9: The scruff only makes him hotter
In case you’re not aware of the term, an “amplifying” quality is a quality that makes something good better, but something bad worse. In other words, an amplifying quality makes a guy that is already attractive even more attractive, and it makes a guy who is already unattractive even less attractive. Now, I’m not writing this list to be a bitch. This is basically public knowledge that I am bringing to the attention of guys who may otherwise not be in the know. Consider it a PSA, if you will. If you’re already attractive and you have one (or all!) of these qualities, you’re set. If you’re not attractive…..figure that shit out. It’s really not that hard to trick people into thinking you’re good-looking, especially if you’re a guy. Maybe that’ll be a future post.
Anyways, on to my list. If I forgot any, please let me know. In the meantime, these are the top 9 qualities that make a guy even more attractive if he’s hot to begin with, and even weirder if he’s not.
1. Red Hair
If a hot guy has red hair, he’s not just a hot guy anymore–he’s “the hot ginger.” This is commonly referred to as the unicorn of attractive men, difficult to find and doubted to even exist at all by others, but out there, nevertheless.
Unfortunately, if a weird guy is a ginger, that just makes things so, so much worse.
2. Being Super Tall
There are few things more attractive than a really tall, really hot guy. I may be biased, being tall and everything, but it’s true. Being super tall means that you’re more visible, so a hot guy on the taller side is able to broadcast his hotness to a bigger audience–it’s not like anybody’s going to be able to ignore the 6’6 guy walking through the crowd. Unfortunately, the same thing still holds when a tall, ugly guy walks through the crowd–only, this time, he’s broadcasting his ugliness instead of his hotness. That’s just the facts.
3. Long Hair
I have to give my good friend Sarah Jez credit for this one (Twitter handle is @sarahjez01, follow her, you won’t regret it). As she put it: “Guys with long hair are either the absolute hottest or the absolute grossest and there is NO in between.” And it’s so true. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never met an average-looking guy with long hair. Either they put in the time and effort to maintain the ‘flo and it looks good…or they don’t do anything to it at all, and it gets all stringy and greasy and, in extreme examples, begins to resemble limp oily noodles more than actual hair.
4. Being a Mama’s Boy
A hot guy that loves his mom is going to get the, “Awwww he still loves his mom! That’s so sweet! He must really respect women!” treatment. An ugly guy that loves his mom is way more likely to get the, “Ughh what a mama’s boy. Lameeee” treatment. Like it or hate it, that’s just how it is.
5. Loves/Works With Small Children
On a similar note, there is NOTHING more attractive than a hot guy that is good for kids. Nothing. That is straight ovaries-porn right there. The important qualifier, of course, is that the guy must be attractive to begin with, or at least average-looking. Sorry to say it, but a guy that is creepy-looking in the first place is not going to get the same reaction when he says that he works with small children. All of a sudden, it becomes, “Ew, what a creep. Why do you like kids so much, sicko?”
6. Glasses
If you’re a hot guy and you put on glasses, you go from being just another average hot guy to being some kind of brooding, mysterious, artistic hipster boy-toy. The personality and character assumptions that people will make about a person wearing glasses are ridiculous, but they’re real.
Unfortunately, if you’re a weird/ugly guy and you put on glasses, you just feed into the nerdy, acne-plagued, sex-deprived, playing-videogames-in-my-mom’s-basement archetype that was assigned to all glasses-wearers before The Great Hipster Movement of the 21st Century.
7. Being an Extreme Romantic
I’ve touched on this one before with the Edward Cullen diagonal (the linear relationship between a guy’s attractiveness and a guy’s ability to perform romantic gestures without being considered creepy), but it’s worth being brought up again because it is REAL. If an attractive guy is pursuing you, sending you flowers, showing up outside your house with a boombox, or even sacrificing a virgin on your doorstep in order to appease the gods so that you may be together (okay, that one’s still not cool), it’s all in the name of “love” and “romance” and it’s “so adorable.” If an ugly guy is doing the same things, he’s “weird” and “creepy” and “omg what a stalker.”
8. Playing in a Garage Band
Gents, if you want to test how attractive you are to the ladies, the easiest way is to walk up to a girl and tell her that you play in a garage band. If she reacts positively, you’re probably hot. If she’s all, “Ew, weirdo,” and walks away, you’re probably not. I don’t know why this is, but it is. I guess that’s just life.
9. Scruffy Facial Hair
I’m sorry, but only guys that are attractive to begin with can pull off facial hair. And I really am sorry!!! 
I didn’t make the rules, that’s just how it is! I’m sorry, all you ugly guys that have facial hair that is actually making you uglier only you didn’t realize it until just now I’m sorry.
But hot guys that have a little scruff….get it.
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