So you’re at a college party, waiting in line to get some booze, and you see a ton of hot girls dancing with their friends. As a college guy, your mind starts racing, and you’re immediately thinking of how you are going to approach the sexy girl in the low cut dress to start “grinding” with her. Well, unless you look like a Calvin Klein model, your chances are very high to strike out and get rejected.
From the college girl perspective, we’ve learned why girls seem to reject guys more often than accepting them to “grind” at parties. This is from the college girl perspective:
Whoever first told guys that it was okay not to ask but instead just to get all up in a girl’s personal space is a total loser. Not going to sugarcoat this: it’s creepy not to ask. I’m sorry, but I have issues with touching when I’m not expecting it. Such as when some guy starts rubbing himself all over me at a dance party. (FYI, don’t try it because I will hurt you if I have to.) I’m there to have fun with my friends, and if we’re dancing in a circle, you’re welcome to join the circle. You are not, however, supposed to sneak up behind us and situate yourself in such a way that we end up bumping into you repeatedly. (Also, here’s a tip: if a girl is leaning away from you as much as is possible or moves to another side of the circle when you start dancing with her, she’s definitely not interested. Give up already!)
The thing is, tons of girls I know feel the same way and resent guys who act like that. But, for some reason, very few of them seem to feel comfortable telling the guys to back off. Maybe it’s because their mothers taught them to be polite and never turn down a dance partner. However, I think that the lessons about standing up to creepers are what ought to come into play in this type of situation.
If you don’t feel comfortable, just say no, people. Or walk away from the person. If a guy doesn’t bother to ask before he starts grinding on you, you don’t have to think of an excuse to leave. And, if they make it difficult to leave, then you really don’t have to be polite. (Seriously, feel free to punch, headbutt, scream for help, you name it. Or find out their name and humiliate them somehow. Vengeance can be much more fun than forgiveness. Just saying.)
To be fair, a lot of guys are unfailingly polite, even when it comes to grinding. They’ll usually ask before they try to dance with you, they’ll make sure you see their approach, and at the very least, they’ll give you ample opportunity to walk away. Guys, it’s much more likely to go over well if you use this tactic, and plenty of girls probably are interested in grinding with you, but this way, you avoid those that aren’t–or those that just don’t grind. Some girls prefer not to grind with guys they don’t know. Some of us also view touching as inherently awkward and hide ourselves as much as possible to avoid any form of physical contact (see previous references to burkas).
I think dances of any sort–middle school, college, whatever–are almost always awkward. (It’s part of their charm, after all.) Taking into consideration people’s personal preferences regarding touching can only reduce that awkwardness. Plus, it’s the right thing to do. So just ask. And, to those who are asked, if you want to say no, just say no.
Except I don’t know what to say about guys who try to grind their own backs against girls standing behind them. I appreciate that you’re allowing us the opportunity to back away, but if we’re shorter than you, then even if we did want to grind, we would still feel really uncomfortable, given that, for us short or average-height girls, your backside would probably be digging into our upper abdomens or even rib cages…That’s just awkward all around. And probably painful, too.
